What Might've Been
by JustcallmeRed
Summary: FINISHED! A girl fic with an actual plot! Chapter 19 is up!
1. Not so peaceful Dreams

Hello all! This is an old story of mine that I'm finally posting.  
  
I woke up screaming, once again for Pony. Nightmares again. I had never had nightmares this consistent before, and it scared me. Pony came rushing into the living room, like he did every night. I felt horrible for waking him again, but for some reason he was the only one I called. "I'm sorry" I looked up at him with pleading eyes. He grinned sweetly. "No, that's okay. I'll sit with you until you fall asleep." I was glad, because whenever he did the nightmares subsided and I rested peacefully, as well the rest of the household.  
  
Pony sat beside the couch, where I slept at night. I had been staying with the Curtis' since my dad ran out on my mom and I, My mom had been killed by a drunk driver, shortly afterwards. They welcomed me, thank God, no orphanage for me. I slowly drifted off to a peaceful slumber to Pony's steady breathing.  
  
Two-bit woke me up the next morning, he slammed the door, again. He didn't realize he had woken me up but I could hear Darry hollering from the kitchen to shush up. "It must be late." I thought to myself. "Morning Mattie" Johnny followed Two-bit in. "Morning" I said sleepily stretching my arms. "Well look who it is!" Johnny laughed. I looked down beside the couch, and there was Pony sleeping soundly, still in a sitting position.  
  
When Johnny joined Darry and Two-bit in the Kitchen, I slowly rose out of my make-shift bed and laid my blanket over Pony, It sure was cool in the house. "I'm sorry" I whispered to him once again.  
  
The smell of eggs made my stomach rumble wildly. I remembered I hadn't eaten much the night before, I wasn't hungry at the time. I pulled my suitcase from under Soda and Pony's bed, where Soda still lay. He sure was conked out, you couldn't wake him if you dropped and anvil on his head. Unlike Pony who was a shallow sleeper, he was always the first to here me wake up with a start at night, even if I hadn't called for him.  
  
Barely could I carry the large blue suitcase filled with my belongings. I sure did hate living out of a suitcase, but I didn't have a choice. I took a quick shower, the best part of my day. The warm water washed everything away, the pain, the memories that lingered, threateningly in my mind. Towards evening though, I could feel it again, burdened on my heart, dragging me down. Not even my slumber was peaceful anymore.  
  
After my shower, I quickly slipped on some blue jeans. They were sort of tight, not very though. They were a little long but I liked to buy my pants a couple sizes larger so I could wear them longer. I put on a navy blue tank top to match. I didn't dress like a greaser, and my manners were an improvement from most of them, but since my best friends, more like brothers, were greasers, I was considered one to. I hurriedly brushed my long red hair back into a ponytail, like I do every morning and greased it down. There was one thing we had in common. Hair grease. Even I used it.  
  
"Hurry up in there." Soda yelled from the other side of the door. "I'm workin' on it." I rolled my eyes, "guys!" I mumbled loudly. "Chicks!" Soda replied. I laughed and swung open the door.  
  
I hurried into the kitchen, afraid I would starve if I didn't eat something soon. Pony was up, he was the only one that remained in the kitchen. Everyone else was watching TV. "Hey Ponyboy." I said. "Hey Mattie."  
  
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Yay, that was my first chapter. Do you like? 


	2. Asking Questions, Already Knowing the An...

On with the story!  
  
Asking questions, already knowing the answer  
  
Darry, Soda and Steve all left for work, leaving Pony, Two-bit, Johnny and me.  
  
"Come on guys lets go finish the dishes." Pony stood from the couch. I groaned slightly but followed him into the kitchen.  
  
"Aren't you guys gonna help," I questioned the two couch potatoes.  
  
"Nah" Two-bit shook his head not even glancing at me, I looked over to Johnny but he was to lost in the television screen to notice.  
  
"Like they ever do," Pony chuckled. I just rolled my eyes and began to dry the silverware.  
  
"I'm goin' for a walk" I said wiping my damp hands on the dish towel, after we had finished. "You commin' Ponyboy?"  
"Sure" he answered.  
  
"You guys tagging along?" I asked. I really didn't want them to join, but I did not want to make it obvious. Not that I don't like Two-bit and Johnny, especially not Johnny, you just had to love him. Pony was different. I always felt more comfortable with him than the rest of the gang. I could talk to him about things I don't tell anyone.  
  
"Nope" Two-bit said to my relief  
  
"Johnny?" I questioned him, but he just shook his head. Pony and I headed out the door.  
  
We didn't talk much, not sure, even, of where we were going. We just kept walking. I stared at my feet being sure not to trip over the worn, cracked pavements.  
  
"Pony" I said weekly. Stopping suddenly I turned towards him. After a minute of studying his concerned face, I sighed and spoke. "Pony, do you think I should go to the orphanage?"  
  
That gathered his attention pretty fast. "Hell no. Darry says you can stay as long as you need."  
  
"I know" I argued, "but, I'm just another mouth to feed, another person to take care of and Darry hardly can feed and take care of you and Soda. He already works hard enough, Pony." I'd been thinking about that for a long time.  
  
"Mattie," he pleaded, "don't go, we need ya'. You know, to straighten us out!" True, I thought. I was mother, the one who questioned and sometimes even lectured. Not like they ever listened. They could go somewhere, do something with their lives, but so far, only I knew that.  
  
After I returned Pony's grin, he took of like a jackrabbit. Sprinting out ahead of me. I followed him. I enjoyed running, I was even planning to try out for the team, come fall. Depressingly, that was about the only sport I was good at, (No had eye coordination, whatsoever.) Chasing him, I was short of breath by the time we reached the Curtis'.  
  
"Beat you again Mattie!" he shouted from the porch. "Not fair!" I demanded a rematch.  
  
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Okay, stopping there. Please R+R. Thanx. 


	3. The 2 Extremes

Extreme Emotions  
  
"Why did I trust him? He does this every time!" I mumbled to myself. I had spent the day at the library, reading. On a rainy day it was typical to find me sitting in one of those over-sized armchairs with a pile of books stacked up beside me. Pony didn't come with me because he was too lazy and wouldn't get out of bed because, "It's too early!" So, I dragged Johnny along instead.  
  
"What did ya say, Mattie?" Johnny asked me.  
  
"Nothin'" I replied and Johnny just shrugged.  
  
Dally was supposed to pick us up and hour ago. He never remembers. I'd never say it, but I was starting to get a little scared. I'd grown up to my mother always keeping me inside and saying to me, "It isn't you I don't trust, its other people." Naturally, I was now very untrusting. Especially with men because...well, I'm not gonna draw you a picture.  
  
"Mattie, we should start walkin'. It's gonna rain." He was right; I could smell the rain in the air and feel the moistness on my finger tips. It was also dark, somehow I had missed the sunset and the night air was beginning to chill my bare arms.  
  
"Lets run, Johnny, I want to get back before this storm hits."  
  
"You know I'm not any good at running, I'm not Pony." He grinned. It was too late though, thunder had rumbled from the sky, and I grabbed his arm and dragged him along.  
  
By the time the downpour came we weren't even halfway home. Darry was gonna kill me. Johnny was now running next to me without my help. I glanced away from my feet over at him and the next thing I knew I was on the pavement. Why do I always have to be so clumsy?  
  
"Mattie, you alright?" He looked concerned. I didn't answer him because I couldn't stop laughing. I took a breath.  
  
"D-d-d-" It was no use, I cracked up, again. It must have been contagious because soon Johnny was sitting next to me, rain pouring down, laughing, too. I had never heard him laugh so hard. I'd never really heard him truly laugh before. The whole time we sat there getting soaked and I couldn't help but think, "What the hell are we laughing at?"  
  
After are giggle fits had ceased, Johnny grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.  
  
"Let's keep running," he said, "Because.. " "Yeah, I know," I interrupted, "Darry is going to be worried about me."  
  
"I wasn't thinking about Darry, I was gonna say Pony. He's always worried about you. If that boy could follow you everywhere, just to look after you, he would."  
  
"Well I'm pretty sure I can look after myself, thank you very much." I spoke defensively.  
  
"Hey, I wasn't sayin' that you couldn't."  
  
We kept walking after that, I couldn't run anymore if I tried. I kept trying to get him to talk the whole way home because he had never talked to me this much before.  
  
"Ya know you're not a bad runner Johnny Cade."  
  
"Not as good as you and Pony, though." He admitted.  
  
"Well, no, but who is?" I laughed as he shoved me jokingly.  
  
"Whatever Mattie." He said, shaking his head and smiling. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
We arrived back at the Curtis's at quarter after ten and Darry looked furious. As soon as we entered the living room he was on his feet interrogating us.  
  
"Where have you been? Why didn't you call?" he yelled.  
  
"I'm sorry," I yelled right back, "Maybe if Dallas hadn't for gotten to pick us up!"  
  
"That doesn't matter, you could have called. I'm sorry, but you're grounded Mattie."  
  
"You can't do that!" I was angry I never got into fights with Darry. That was Pony's job. "You're not my father!"  
  
Silence, Dead silence. The whole gang (with the exception of Dallas, who was probably off getting drunk somewhere.) was staring at us. Darry just looked me in the eyes and talked barely above a whisper.  
  
"Well, Mattie, why don't you just look around you? In case you haven't noticed, your father is gone; he doesn't give a damn about you, that's why he left you!"  
  
I couldn't think his words kept ringing in my head. He left me. Those words had caused me more pain than a hit or slap. I automatically fell to my knees, stunned, and Darry knelt down in front of me, realizing what he had said, and pulled me towards him to embrace me in his massive arms. And I began to sob uncontrollably.  
  
"Shhh. Its okay baby, I'm sorry sweetheart." He whispered soothingly.  
  
It was the first time I'd ever cried about my father. Actually, it was the first time I had cried since I was seven. I didn't want to show my weaknesses or my pains. I know now it's revealing my weaknesses and my pains that make me stronger.  
  
I never wanted for him to let me go. He was so warm and comforting against my wet and cold body.  
  
"Darry, how could he have left me? I was such a good girl, Darry, I was. What did I do?" I cried softly in his ear.  
  
"I don't know, baby, I just don't know."  
  
*That's it for now. I promise to get another chapter up soon if you review!* 


	4. Trouble

*Thank you all so much for the reviews, now, on with the show!*  
  
Trouble  
  
Nobody ever mentioned my breakdown in the living room, I didn't even get grounded. I think I might've freaked Pony out a little, though. He kept treating me like an insecure child, choosing his words very carefully. It was really starting to get me mad at him. Also, I still hadn't forgiven Dallas for forgetting to pick us up. My assumption was right; he had been out at Buck Merril's getting drunk that night. Most surprising was the fact that I was even angry with Johnny for forgiving Dallas, who hadn't even apologized. "How can I be mad at Johnny?" I kept asking myself, but no matter how hard I tried to forget, I just couldn't. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
Three days after our trip to the library and the incident, I could be found lying on Darry's bed reading, "The Lord of the Rings." I liked reading in his room because in the late afternoon the summer sun flowed through his window and onto my back making sleepiness overtake me. "The Lord of the Rings," had always been my favorite book. "What I would give to be a Hobbit, so content with the little things in life, why can't humans be like them." I used to tell Pony, who would have chosen to be an Elf. "Why would you want to live forever anyways? What's so cool about that?"  
  
"Yes, Miss Taylor, I thought I might find you here." A familiar voice broke into my thoughts.  
  
"Huh?" I looked up from my book. "Oh, shit." I said quietly. It was Mrs. Parker, she worked for social services. Pony was the only one home and he was standing behind her in the doorway with horrified eyes that seemed to say, "I couldn't stop her."  
  
"Your uncle called from North Carolina. He said that you never arrived at his house last month. Isn't funny that peculiar?" She asked with a fake sweetness. I remained silent. "Can you tell me why that is?"  
  
"Dunno" I shrugged and played dumb, praying for a miracle.  
  
"Well then, why don't we go and have a little chat in the living room?" It's not like I could say "no." She seized my forearm with a piercing grip and led me out of Darry's room.  
  
It turns out, she didn't really want to talk, she just needed to get an excuse to get me closer to the door so I couldn't put up much of a fight. (I guess she knows me by now.)  
  
"Come on." She said hastily as we entered the living room, leading me towards the door. "We'll make arrangements for you to leave for your Uncle's house tomorrow." I met eyes with Pony. He had that deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. My mind was racing, "Pony do something, anything, please don't let her take me away." He must have read my mind, because right before we were about to step through the door, he broke out of his trance and shouted, "No!"  
  
Mrs. Parker looked annoyed, but she also most of known something like this would happen because she didn't look at all surprised. I wished desperately that she would let go of my arm, I was starting to loose circulation.  
  
"No," his voice was shaking, "You have to wait 'till Darry gets home, my big brother. He should be home any minute. Mrs. Parker glared at him for a moment and reluctantly let go of my arm. She sat down on the couch and tapped her foot impatiently. I was relieved; at least I would get to see Darry one more time. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
I was sitting on the floor staring at the carpet when Darry arrived home from work 5 minutes later. I was trapped; there was no way I could weasel my way out of this. Pony was driving me insane, he wouldn't stop pacing.  
  
When Darry entered, he stood in the doorway for a moment, but it didn't take him long to realize what was happening. The same expression was on Soda's face when he followed him inside. Immediately, Mrs. Parker stood up and shook Darry's hand.  
  
"Darryl Curtis," she plastered on her fake cheerfulness again, "I suppose you know why I'm here."  
  
"Yes ma'am, I do." He admitted. I wished so badly that I could tell what he was thinking.  
The rest of their conversation was all blur, I didn't really listen. I was still trying to grasp the fact that I was leaving. When I tuned back in, I became very aware of the hot tears streaming down my face. (How many times can a person cry in a week?) I was also aware that my left hand was considerably warmer than my right one. I looked up. Pony was now sitting beside me, my hand wrapped in his. God, I was sure gonna miss him. The only person I'd ever trusted, most likely the only one I ever would.  
  
"Let her stay one more day." I heard Darry demand, "she will get all of her stuff together and you can pick her up tomorrow." She nodded in reply. Now, I find it funny that she didn't argue but, after all, Darry was a big guy.  
  
"Someone will be here at 9 A.M sharp." She said.  
  
I looked up a moment later and she was gone.  
  
Darry rested his head in his hand and sighed, "Jesus Christ." *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
*I know it's still a very short chapter; I'll try to make them longer. Please Review! (If I have any grammer mistakes tell me, I like to know these things.) 


	5. The Last Evening

*Thanks to all of you that reviewed! I already have the plot of this story laid out, but is there any little things you want me to add in? Please, read on!*  
  
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"Where are you going?" Darry asked.  
  
"On a walk," I replied.  
  
"Only if someone goes with you. It'll be getting dark soon."  
  
Pony was next to me in a second and we made our way slowly to the park. We didn't say anything, which was odd. Normally around each other we couldn't stop talking. I was always talking about books, movies didn't interest me as much as they did Pony. Also, I liked fiction books, especially fantasy. Pony was really into non-fiction stories, real stories about real people. I couldn't understand why. Darry hated when I talked about magic of any kind, I always argued with him about it, magic was real. Somewhere, at sometime, and I was going to prove it somehow.  
  
The park was almost abandoned, so Pony and I sat on the swings and watched the sunset. That was the second time that day I wished that I could read minds. I'd miss him, but would he miss me, too? What was I thinking? Of course he would miss me, I'm his best friend, right? Then why wasn't he saying that? Why didn't he look upset? He swung slightly on the swing, smoking a cigarette. I wish he wouldn't smoke, it's so unhealthy. The last rays of the sun illuminated his face. I didn't care what he said, he was good looking. He was even as handsome as Soda, just not movie star handsome, something different.  
  
"This can't be happening Pony, I'm dreaming, I have to be." That was I could say, all I could think about. This was the last sunset in my home, with the best friend I'd ever had. True, it wasn't as if I was dying, I was only moving to North Carolina. Just the same, I might as well have been moving to the moon, I'd never see him. I'd never even thought about a life without the gang. Even when I was little, my mom and Mrs. Curtis were good friends and they got together often. That's how I got to know Ponyboy Curtis and who were then known to me as his evil older brothers. They always teased me about the flowery dresses I wore every Sunday at church. I couldn't stand being around them. It was amusing to me how things had changed; I could no longer stand to be without them.  
  
"Everything's going to be okay, Mattie, it's just gotta be." He spoke at last.  
  
Once again, it seemed that tears were welling up in my eyes, ready to spill down my cheeks. I was so sick of crying that I could've screamed. It was like a stubborn disease that couldn't be cured no matter how hard I fought it. I had to give in, "What the hell, let the waterfall loose. Better now than later," I thought. And cry is what I did. I stood up and faced the sun so that Pony wouldn't see me. "Where does all of this water come from?" Once I had started, I couldn't stop. "Control the water works, Mattie, please don't let Pony see you like this."  
  
"Mattie..." I guess he couldn't find anything to say. He moved to stand in front of me, but I couldn't look at him. His hands shook as he raised my head up and to push my tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs. I was forced to meet his gaze, he was crying, too. "Mattie, please don't leave, please." He pulled me into a hug. His warm cheek was against the side of my forehead; his arms were wrapped around my waist. He failed miserably at trying to contain his sobs, just as I had. I cried into his shoulder for a long time. I don't know it could have been any period of time from then minutes to an hour. As far as I could remember, Ponyboy Curtis had never held on to me like he did right then, no one had. I knew I'd never hugged anyone like that. My arms were around his neck, with my head nestled into his shoulder.  
  
I must have let go of him sometime because there we were sitting on the edge of the fountain. Or a least I was.  
  
"Not cool, Mattie, not cool!" I didn't mean to shove Pony into the fountain. I don't think he believed me when I apologized. Maybe it was because I wouldn't stop laughing at him. I reached out my hand to help him up and as soon as I had gripped his arm, he pulled me in with him.  
  
"Geez, how the hell did I fall for that?" I asked out loud. Pony didn't say anything back, he was hysterical.  
  
"Shut up, Curtis!" We both just sat there in the middle of the fountain, even when Pony had stopped laughing. I was partially afraid to get out. Part of it was that the sun was gone and there was a chill in the night breeze. Also, for the second time that week, I was sure Darry was gonna skin us.  
  
"Mattie. Look!" I shouldn't have looked; he splashed me right in the face.  
  
"Ha, Ha. Real funny. Maybe you should take that transfer back to the third grade." I said sarcastically. I guess it didn't help prove my point because I splashed him right back. Our fight didn't last long.  
  
"Don't you dare!" I could see the look in his eyes, he was gonna pounce. Surprise, I was right. (What else is new?) He had me down in a heartbeat. I managed to wriggle free of his grasp before he could pull me under and I pushed him back.  
  
"You're no match for me, Mattie." He acted tough.  
  
"Maybe not in the strength department but..." I was challenging him and he fell for it.  
  
"I dare you to race me, I dare you!" That's a major problem with me, I can't say "no" to a dare. Never have, never will. Ponyboy knows that, and so does the rest of the gang.  
  
It didn't take a second for me to take off. Pony was right behind me the whole time. I knew where I was headed, to the park gate, that's always our finish line. Suddenly, I took a sharp turn left trying to get him off my tail. I had taken the short cut through the field where the kids normally come out to play soccer in the summer and where the Easter egg hunt is held each April. I could see the chain fences opening; the exit. I must've been a hundred meters away from victory, but Pony was desperate. He tackled me without any trouble, pulling me down to the ground. I couldn't even attempt to wrestle with him; the wind was knocked out of me. I couldn't move a muscle, he had me pinned.  
  
"Holler uncle!" he yelled, laughing, He was out of breath, too.  
  
"Heck no!" I said calmly, he would have to give up sometime.  
  
Five minutes later I sighed dramatically, and hummed to myself as if bored.  
  
"If you just said it, we can go home." Pony tried to convince me.  
  
"I'm not going to say it, Pony."  
  
"Fine, fine." We were still in the same position. The cold was beginning to make goose bumps rise up on my skin.  
  
"I've got nothing to do; I can sit here all week." Pony stated simply. With his word reality struck me again.  
  
"I can't." I looked into up his eyes. We couldn't just sit there all night and pretend like everything was normal, if you can call life in Tulsa normal. No, everything was changing. I finally knew what Darry meant when he said that some things would happen so fast that my head would spin, because my head sure was spinning. I couldn't even finish a fragment of a thought before another one entered my head.  
  
"Uncle." I whispered. Pony rolled off me and lay on his back in the grass. "Pony, can we just say goodbye now." I interrupted the silence.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Lets just get it over with." I sighed, "Unless you have some brilliant plan to find a way for me to stay. But I've been thinking all afternoon and I haven't got a thing." I knew saying goodbye then wouldn't help me; the next day would still be one of the hardest days of my life.  
  
"Let's head home, Mattie, It's freezing out here." He gave me a hand and pulled me to my feet.  
  
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You read, will you review? PLEASE! 


	6. Everything Seems Normal

Wow ya'll thanks for all of the reviews! Keep them coming!  
  
Darry wasn't surprised when we walked came home so late, well at least until he saw that we were soaked.  
  
"Why are you two wet? Go get some dry clothes on before you catch a cold." He demanded.  
  
"Don't you know before you go skinny dipping, you're supposed to take your clothes off? Two-bit chuckled. I couldn't stop myself from slapping him on the back of the head.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?" Two-bit whined like a child. I just rolled my eyes. Pony was blushing and I had to grin back at him.  
  
I got my big blue suitcase out from under Pony and Soda's bed. The laundry I'd started that morning still was wet.  
  
"Pony, got an extra shirt?"  
  
"Yeah," he said and randomly picking one out of his drawer and tossing it to me.  
  
"Thanks." It was his track shirt that said 'Curtis' on the back in large white lettering.  
  
Pony left me to change in his room. My read hair was horribly knotted when I took it down from its typical ponytail. I never left it down, not even when I went to sleep. My mother used to try to convince me to leave it down all of the time, but it always got in my way, constantly in my face. My beautiful red locks were the feature I liked most about myself. My round face and small nose were almost completely covered in light freckles. I wished my eyes were green, then they would complement my hair perfectly, but no, they had to be a bland hazel. Maybe if my eyes were more like Pony's. His eyes were so complicated, they had so many layers that traveled so deep. I could always tell what he was thinking by just letting my eyes meet with his. They were most striking when he was really thoughtful, like when he was gazing into a sunset, they seemed to have a bright strike.  
  
Darry must've told the whole gang about my leaving because I didn't have to say anything about it. For the whole rest of the night, nothing was taken for granted by me. Like how funny it was to see Soda and Steve cheat their way through poker, or how Darry's eyes softened when he looked at me, and the way I could jabber on about anything with Johnny for ages without him caring, of course who could forget Two-bits never ending wise cracks? Most of all, Ponyboy Curtis, I wouldn't spend a second without him beside me. What is there to say about Pony? I guess I'd probably taken his friendship for granted over the years, but I couldn't anymore, and before I went to sleep that night, I thanked God that he had stuck with me for the past 14 years. I knew I could be pretty rough to put up with.  
  
I can't remember much of that night. I can remember watching Soda and Steve wrestling in the middle of the living room floor until Darry called it off complaining of a headache. My form of entertainment was gone after that. That must have been when I realized I hadn't seen Pony for over an hour.  
  
"Hey Darr, Where did Pony go?" I asked.  
  
Darry looked up from his newspaper. "He's outside on the porch."  
  
I nodded and started towards the front door.  
  
"Hey Mattie," he called me back, "I'd give him a minute." I was confused, I was his best friend, why wouldn't he want to be with me? There must have been a hurt look on my face because Darry said, "It's nothin' against you, Ponygirl."  
  
"Mattie, You make a better door than a window." Two-bit shouted between sips of beer. I'd been standing in front of the T.V.  
  
"Sorry, Two-bit."  
  
Sorry it's so short today. I'm sick so I thought I'd update, but I really don't feel like writing anymore. This is a really boring chapter, but it will pick up soon. Please review! I'd like to also know any grammar and spelling mistakes so I can go back and fix them. Thanx! 


	7. Goodbye

Not much to say today. I'm not going to drown you with boring author's notes. Read on! *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dallas, Johnny, and Two-bit all left around midnight, pretty early for the gang. The emotional day had left me exhausted, my eyes were swollen from crying and my face was flushed. I'd never looked uglier, or felt worse. I kept trying to tell myself that me leaving wasn't the end of the world, but just the end of my life as I know it. Not a much more comforting thought.  
  
I lied awake on my sofa bed for a long time, I was thinking too much. "We all knew this day would come, but... What if I change? What if Pony changes? When will I see him?" I wished that there was and 'off' button for my brain.  
  
I must have fallen asleep at some point, because I woke up short of breath. Beads of sweat had formed on my face and my blankets were completely twisted around me, another nightmare. I never remembered what my nightmares were about; I only knew the emotion they left, fear.  
  
I sat up for a minute, waiting for Pony to come in and ask me if I was alright, but he never came. I was glad I didn't wake him up, but at the same time, I wished he had woken because I was very aware of how alone I was and it scared me. "Get used to it, Mattie." I thought to myself.  
  
Knowing I'd never be able to sleep, I got up and went into the kitchen for a glass of water. The clock above the stove read, '2:04.' I had major time to kill. I found myself in the doorway of Pony and Soda's bedroom. Where was Soda? Only Pony lay there. As I moved closer I noticed he was curled up into a ball with all of the covers bundled around him. I could have sworn I heard him whisper 'no'.  
  
"Pon, Are you okay?" He was shaking. He was having a nightmare, too. I sat on soda's side of the bed and began to run my fingers through Pony's hair. "Shh, Pony. I'm here. Shh." I said soothingly.  
  
"Mattie?" He whispered between sharp breaths.  
  
"Yeah, it's me." He rolled over on to his back to look up at me.  
  
"Glory, what time is it?" He said rubbing his head.  
  
"Around 2"  
  
"What are you doing up then?" He questioned sleepily.  
  
"Couldn't sleep, can I stay here, tonight." I couldn't believe I had asked that. The darkness kept me from interpreting his expression, but he nodded. I laid down beside him and pulled the covers up above my waist.  
  
"Goodnight, Pon." I said, yawning.  
  
"Goodnight, Mattie." He whispered back, half asleep.  
  
I woke up later that morning; the sun had barely risen in the sky. The clock on the bedside table said that I still had 3 hours until my departure from Tulsa, but I tried not to think about that. I wasn't surprised to find that no one was awake, but I was surprised to find Soda sleeping on the couch. I hoped Darry wouldn't find out that I had slept in Pony's bed; I didn't have a clue what his reaction might be to that.  
  
I went through my daily routine like normal. I didn't make breakfast, disobeying the Curtis household unwritten law. I wondered stupidly if any of the gang would get up to say 'goodbye'. Of course they would come; I guess I wasn't thinking straight.  
  
"Morning, Mattie." Darry laid his hand on my shoulder, startling me; I hadn't heard him come into the kitchen. "Are you alright, baby?"  
  
I gave him a half-hearted smile.  
  
"You'll be alright." He said as he left to make breakfast, although it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.  
  
I didn't eat the breakfast when Darry put it in front of me. I chopped up the eggs and pushed them around on my plate so it looked like I'd at least eaten a bit. Darry would skin me if he found out I'd skipped a meal. Why did he have to be so over-protective? When I took my full plate to the sink to be washed, he gave me a stern glance, but didn't say anything.  
  
Right after I turned around and began to walk away he spoke up. "So Mattie, do you care to explain how you and Soda switched beds last night?" He asked coolly. I knew he had seen Soda sleeping on the couch, but it was so strange that he hadn't started hollering.  
  
"Oh, Superman," Soda had woken up and was standing behind me as I faced Darry, "You know they didn't do anything. Geez, Mattie, that couch sure is uncomfortable." He said rubbing his side.  
  
"You get used to it." I reasoned.  
  
Darry dropped the subject after that. "Why don't you go in and wake up Pony, Mattie, it's almost eight." Darry suggested. That last hour went by with terrifying speed. The rest of the gang showed up about quarter 'till nine and said goodbye. I was amazed that Dally and Two-bit didn't forget to come.  
  
A white out-of-date car showed up in front of the house at exactly nine, just like Mrs. Parker had said. I was thankful that Mrs. Parker wasn't going to be the one to drive me to North Carolina. A younger woman with short, straight dark brown hair knocked at the door. I wasn't really thinking at all, at that point. Mechanically, I shook her hand, walked to her car, and lifted my big blue suitcase into her trunk. Then, I turned around to face the gang, who had all come out behind me. As I went down the line everyone had their own interesting way of saying goodbye. Steve and Two-bit promised that they'd straighten everyone out and lay down the law while I was gone. Yeah, sure, I trusted them. Mostly, though, there was an awkward pat on the back or a hand shake. I gave Johnny, Darry, Soda, and Pony quick hugs, knowing I couldn't take a long goodbye.  
  
"You take care of yourself, Mattie." Darry said as I got into the car. I just nodded, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Wait, stop!" I said to my driver, Ms. Candrea. We weren't even 2 minutes down the road. "I'm sorry, I've forgotten something; can we go back, please?" Ms. Candrea smiled slightly and made a U-turn.  
  
Pony was sitting on the bottom step of the porch when I arrived. He stood up, surprised to see me. I ran up to him, not wanting to make Ms. Candrea wait.  
  
"Pon, I just came to say...to say that," I stumbled over my words; I couldn't get out what I was trying to say. Wait, what was I trying to say? Impulse took over and I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to stop myself from crying, and kissed him gently on the lips. I wasn't implying anything, really. When I pulled away Pony looked confused.  
  
"I just had to say that you're my best friend, Ponyboy Curtis." I smiled sweetly and began to walk away.  
  
"Mattie," I turned to look at him, "Call me as soon as you get there, you hear?" He grinned at me. (Were his cheeks a little more red than normal?)  
  
"Yeah, alright."  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Okay then, I'm done for today. I swear it's gonna get more interesting soon. Please Review. 


	8. I Miss You

The ride to North Carolina went on for what seemed like a lifetime. Ms. Candrea was nice, better than Mrs. Parker anyway. She asked a lot of questions about the gang. She seemed kind of suspicious, like she thought they were hurting me or something. I never gave her detailed answers, If a simple 'yes' or 'no' was needed, I'd simply nod or shake my head. She also talked about herself, which prevented me from having to say anything. Evidently she had been in social services for a little over 5 years, but she was planning on going back to school to become a nurse. I just let her ramble on, even though I didn't really listen.  
  
My Aunt and Uncle lived in a little town called Hickory. What kind of name was Hickory? Anyway, Hickory was in the foothills of the mountains. All of the land was mostly used for farming, but even thought there was a lot of land that surrounded their house, my Aunt and Uncle didn't do any farming. Their house was off of an old dirt road that had only a few houses that weren't even in sight of each other. What in the world could make these people want to live in the middle of no where? I'd never been to the country before. Pony always talked about going to the country with his parents and how exciting it was. Exciting? Hickory? Yeah, right.  
  
"Well, this is it, your new home." Ms. Candrea flashed me a cheesy grin, "Lets go meet your Aunt and Uncle, sweetheart." She called me sweetheart. Ha, sure, whatever she wanted to believe.  
  
"I'm not a complete goody-goody, right?" I thought, "Oh, no! I am a goody- goody aren't I? I guess it could be worse." Anyways, I wished that she'd stop talking to me like I was five.  
  
I dragged my suitcase up the wooden steps of an old, large, white house. My tiredness didn't stop my stomach from churning. If you think I wasn't nervous, you're crazy, though I couldn't figure out why.  
  
As soon as I rang the bell, there was a shuffling behind the door and the click of the lock.  
  
"Look Joe, its Delia!" A woman in her late 30's opened the door, her bright green eyes twinkling. I noticed them first, her eyes, because that was the only difference between her and my mother. "Come in! Please, come in." She opened the door widely to let me in. My Uncle Joe was waiting on the couch when the three of us made our way to the living room. He was a big-boned man, he had eyes the color of Johnny's, but they had a certain fierceness to them. Ms. Candrea left after forcing my Aunt and Uncle to sign a bunch of legal papers and wishing me a goodnight.  
  
"So, Delia..." My Aunt tried to think of something to say.  
  
"Call me, Mattie." I interrupted, hastily. I might have spoken a little bit harshly; she seemed a little less cheerful.  
  
"Okay, Mattie," She corrected herself, "I'm your Aunt Kate and this is your Uncle Joe." She introduced them unnecessarily. I didn't offer my greeting, but I was tired, much too tired to be polite. "I suppose you've had a long day," She spoke after an awkward silence, "I'll take you up to your room."  
  
Before taking me to my room, though, she gave me the grand tour of the house. Why the hell would somebody need so many rooms? How many uses could there be for a parlor, a sunroom, a game room, a dining room, and a study? Geez! Rich people are weird. Every room in the house was very elaborately decorated which gave off warmth that I'd never seen in a home. In our neighborhood people are considered lucky to have 4 walls and a roof. When we finally did reach my room, at the end of the hall on the second floor, she let me be. I sat on my new queen-sized bed that was littered with fluffy pillows of all shapes and sizes. I may not have been able to admit it right then, but I loved it. Even the tomboy I was could grow accustomed to a pastel purple room. I felt so confused; so many emotions were running through me. "Should I cry, or laugh out loud for joy?" I sat on that bed for a long time, wondering what to do in such a strange place.  
  
"Can I get you anything?" Aunt Kate popped her head in the doorway, "I'm just about to turn in." It was almost midnight.  
  
"Yeah, can I call my friend?" I had just remembered that I'd promised to call Pony.  
  
"Now?" She looked surprised.  
  
"I won't be long, I promise."  
  
"Alright, there's a phone right on your nightstand. Goodnight, Mattie."  
  
"Goodnight." I could her footsteps trod lightly down the hall.  
  
A phone? All for me? Cool. I dialed the Curtis's, which forced me to think. Area Code? I'd never needed to use the Tulsa area code before; I'd never been outside Tulsa. It took me a minute to remember.  
  
1 ring...2 rings...3 rings... "Come on, someone pick up the phone." I mumbled angrily.  
  
"Hello?" I was relieved to hear a friendly voice on the other line.  
  
"Soda?"  
  
"Hey! It's Mattie!" Soda shouted.  
  
"Quit yelling. Are you trying to but my eardrums or something?" I think I was irritable from the long day. I could hear a distant voice on the other end.  
  
"Please, Soda, give up the phone." I knew it was Pony.  
  
"No way! You're gonna have to jump for it!"  
  
"Give him the phone, Sodapop." I demanded; to sleepy to listen to them argue.  
  
"Oh, I see how it is, Mattie," Soda joked, "You're too good for me now, huh? Don't even want to talk to me." He gave the phone to Pony anyway.  
  
"Hey." Pony was out of breath from attempting to wrestle Soda.  
  
"Hey." I said softly. Homesickness had taken over me at the sound of his voice.  
  
"Are you alright?" He knew the answer to that question before he had even asked it.  
  
"Yeah," I'm a horrible liar.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a long time. No excuses, I was just really lazy. I know you know the feeling. Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, they really make my day! 


	9. An Altered Life

The next few months were far more interesting then I thought they would be. At first I hated the idea of throwing out my ripped and oversized jeans and shirts, but in the end, Aunt Kate convinced me. I might have even liked wearing those classy blouses and skirts. Also, I did get very used to driving 50 miles away to see a musical every other Friday. Aunt Kate got me addicted to the theatre, especially the music; all of the sudden I could never stop singing. Meagan would always get annoyed and throw pillows at me when I let any musical tune escape my lips. I guess she's not into musicals.  
  
Oh, Meagan, she's my next-door neighbor, if you could call it next-door. I can't even see her house (or any house for that matter) from mine. It feels really good to call it that, "My house." There has never been a better feeling. Anyway, Meagan is only 12, but she's a very cool 12-year-old. I never had a female friend before, all my friends have always been guys. I'd talk to the girls in my class back in Tulsa; I'd just never hang out with them if I got the choice, because they kind of scared me. Make-up wearing, hair dying, short skirt wearing little sluts is what I thought of them all. I guess that isn't really true.  
  
I also got my hair cut. I just had to mention it, because the day I came back from town with my hair cut to my shoulders, I couldn't stop looking in the mirror. I looked so different, so...good. Not to brag or anything, it was just simply amazing to me that, for the first time in my life, I didn't want to shatter the mirror because of the ugly little face I saw staring back at me. Aunt Kate was the person who first taught me to love myself, and in turn I began to love everyone and everything so much more. That lesson fit in with the others: history, math, English, and science. She would home-school me every day, except Sunday. Home-schooling was alright, the thrill of not having to wake up at an ungodly hour wears off after a while. I missed the gang, I missed Pony. That's really about it, though. I was at ease knowing there was no one to judge me, no socs to talk down to me, I could just be me.  
  
"Mattie, come on, lets go!" Meagan showed up at the door one afternoon while I was attempting to shove the last bits of my lunch down my throat. I grabbed a coat as I hurriedly went outside to meet her. It was beginning to get colder real fast, ending our summer fun.  
  
"Bye, Aunt Kate, I'm going outside with Meagan." I hollered up the stairs.  
  
"Be home before dinner." She yelled back.  
  
Meagan was sitting on the porch with her 2 brothers. Oh, no, her brothers!  
  
"Sorry, I had to bring the brats along today." She grimaced. The oldest brother, Thomas, was a quiet one and he was pretty interesting for a 10-year-old. Andrew was 3, and very adorable, but he could run circles around us all day and never run out of energy. We continued through one of our mini-adventures anyways; running through the woods, hurdling over fallen trees, and jumping daringly over the creek, (Carefully avoiding the freezing waters as we stepped from rock to rock,) and many other things that put my last pair of surviving jeans to good use.  
  
"You're gonna fall!" I laughed as Meagan balanced on a fallen log across the creek, her arms out like an airplane ready for take-off.  
  
"I am not, you're such a baby. Why don't you cross?" She gave me a daring glance.  
  
"Is that a dare?" I asked coolly.  
  
"No" She stated simply, "I need you to stay over there with the dream- team anyway." She nodded towards her brothers who were skipping stones on the water.  
  
"So now I'm the babysitter!" I threw my hands up in the air sarcastically, but grinned at her. I was thankful that it wasn't a dare, I have no balance whatsoever. When I was 9 and my mom got me involved in gymnastics, they spent 4 weeks in a row trying to help we walk across the balance beam. Maybe I'm permanently drunk or something and I can't walk a straight line. It wasn't only balancing I was horrible at, just about everything to do with gymnastics. I'm the only one in the gang who can't do a flip. I'm hopeless. Even Darry couldn't teach me.  
  
That night I couldn't sleep, I didn't know why. I had a bad feeling inside of me, like something was wrong. No, I don't have a 6th sense about these things, every time a bad feeling came over me and I assumed something was wrong I was typically incorrect. But this was different, I was tired, but I was also restless. All of the sudden, I felt more disconnected from my world than ever, a helplessness came over me, but what was I so helpless about?  
  
I was being stupid, everything was fine, it had to be.  
  
I know it's short but I'm really busy this week. I should be able to put up another chapter on Thursday. Those awesome reviews might open up some time in my hectic schedule! 


	10. I Wish I Didn't Wake Up

If I had anything to say I would say it here!  
  
"Wow, he is really cute." I said looking through Meagan's yearbook.  
  
"I told you!" She smiled, looking over my shoulder.  
  
"Isn't he a little old for you?" I joked.  
  
"Shut up! His is not."  
  
"You're blocking my light." I said. She moved and went over to the record player.  
  
"What's this?" She held up a record.  
  
"Be careful, that's my "My Fair Lady" record!" I looked up from the smiling faces of her yearbook.  
  
"Geez! We're a little over-protective aren't we?" She laughed and put the soundtrack back in its case. "Are these all yours?" She asked picking up a stack of about 10 records from my dresser.  
  
"Yeah, my Aunt Kate buys me the soundtracks after we go and see the plays. I really like them." I loved my music, Broadway music; I couldn't get enough of it.  
  
"Cool." She said plainly and put on "West Side Story". "I saw this movie once with my friend Haley," she continued, "I always did like the music."  
  
I was really surprised that Meagan wanted to listen to my music. I'd never really though of her as the musical type. We spent the whole day singing and acting out songs. It was one of the best days I'd ever had and I can't even tell you why.  
  
All day the thunder clouds had left and ominous feeling in the back of my throat and deep in my stomach, but I forced myself to ignore it until I couldn't any longer.  
  
"Good afternoon, Miss Mattie." The friendly face of our elderly mailman looked up at me from the bottom of the front porch steps. I ran down the step and my eyes widened expectantly. "Sorry, but I don't see anything from your little friend today." He handed me the mail and my heart sunk.  
  
"Thanks." I said softly and he turned and hobbled away.  
  
"Don't be so depressed Mattie," Megan said and took a swig of her Pepsi, "He must just be a little busy."  
  
"Maybe, but I don't think so." The wind blew through my hair and I took a soft strand between my fingers. The crimson color shined brilliantly in the afternoon sun. "I had a strange dream last night." I was really talking to myself, but after a moment of silence I continued. I felt a reason to tell Meagan about it. "I was in a crowd of people. There were some married couples, but mostly lone business people: scientists, dressed in white lab jackets, musicians, and many others." I could feel Meagan's eyes studying me as my eyes gazed at the furthest fence in the back field, but I wasn't really looking at it. "I was curious; I wanted to follow them all. Where were they going? Where did they come from? All of the sudden, they all split up and joined together in groups according to their jobs, to their lives, and all of them were calling me. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go with them all, to tear myself into little pieces and be with them all. There was someone behind me. I couldn't here him, but I could feel his presence. I turned around, but I couldn't figure out who he was. He told me to come with him..."  
  
"Then what happened?" Meagan startled me, making me jump. I had forgotten that she was there, listening to me ramble on.  
  
"I don't know, I woke up." I felt really stupid and self conscious. What had been the point of telling her my psychotic dream? I was glad that I didn't tell her about my nightmare the night before that. That was the first time in 3 months that I had woken up shaking and calling for my best friend.  
  
"Mattie, the phone's for you." Aunt Kate interrupted my thoughts.  
  
"Who is it?" I asked eagerly, but I didn't wait for and answer, I ran inside. I knew it was Pony, it had to be. Who else would call me?  
  
"Pony?" I asked, out of breath.  
  
"No, Mattie. It's Sodapop." A lump had risen up into my throat. Soda seemed so sad, so out of character.  
  
"Soda what's wrong?" My eyes glazed with tears. I was frightened, I couldn't hide it.  
  
"Mattie calm down..."  
  
"Soda what's wrong!" I yelled. Soda was taken aback; I was normally the quiet and calm type, but being kept in the dark was like sandpaper rubbing on my nerves.  
  
Soda blubbered on about the murder of a guy named Bob, a church burning, a rumble, the death of two good friends, and a concussion. I couldn't think straight, I wished I hadn't even asked, maybe then it wouldn't have been true.  
  
"I'm coming, Soda." I told him.  
  
"Mattie, be sensible. You stay put, I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
"You cannot really expect me to stay here do you?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.  
  
"Stay where you are Mattie."  
  
"Fine. Bye." I said.  
  
"Promise..." But I hung up the phone, pretending I hadn't heard him.  
  
I shrank to the hard wood floor. Dallas and Johnny, dead, my best friend, concussion. I couldn't get that information to sink into my head. My world was falling apart, and here I was thousands of miles away.  
  
With no money, and no means of transportation, I ran upstairs, forgetting everything else, and began to pack for my departure from North Carolina.  
  
Please Review, I'll love you forever! 


	11. Return

I didn't tell my Aunt about the call from Tulsa because I didn't know what to say. My bags were packed and safely tucked under my bed, ready for my midnight departure, by the time Aunt Kate came to check on me.  
  
"Is everything alright, Mattie?" She asked, concerned.  
  
"Yes, why would you ask that?" I didn't look at her; instead I pretended to be very animatedly involved in searching for a record to play in the stack on the dresser.  
  
"I thought your mind was on something else when you ran upstairs without even saying goodbye to Meagan." She was on to me.  
  
"Oh! Is she still down there? I'll go-" but she put up her hand to silence me.  
  
"She left about 5 minutes ago. You can talk to her tomorrow."  
  
I turned around and shuffled through the drawer of my desk, hoping that she would leave.  
  
"Well, if nothing's wrong, why don't you come down and eat your dinner."  
  
"I can't eat a thing, Meagan and I had a huge lunch. Her mom makes enough food for an army." I wasn't lying then; her mom does make a ton of food, and really good food while I'm on the subject.  
  
"Oh," She nodded, but I knew she could see right through my lies, "I'll be downstairs, just tell me if you get hungry."  
  
"I will." I said as she stepped into the hallway.  
  
I don't know how I feel asleep and I also don't know just what startled me from my slumber. Surely it was either the bitter-cold draft or the yelling coming from the room down the hall. Even though the darkness of the night pressed down on my eyes, I felt fully awake.  
  
I wandered slowly out of my bedroom, creeping softly down the dark hallway, although I was sure they couldn't here me over the racket they were making. Their shadows danced mysteriously in the crack under the door. Every word was muffled; I cautiously pressed my ear to the door, attempting to catch whatever they were fighting over. I must have been really brain- dead because I heard him coming towards the door, but I didn't move.  
  
The door swung open, and there I was. He looked at me in a drunken stupor, as if he was trying to figure out who I was. My heart was caught in my throat and I was very aware of the large fists dangling at his sides. Even though he glared at me menacingly for a moment, he continued down the hall, pushing me out of his way and onto the floor. I didn't get up. No, I wasn't hurt, but I was shaking all over. Somehow I wished that he had hit me, so that way I could cry and not look like a coward. The whole house shook as the front door slammed and his truck was fired up.  
  
Aunt Kate helped me up, her eyes were red. I wasn't cold, she put a blanket around my shoulders. I wasn't thirsty, she poured me hot tea. I wasn't tired, she sent me to bed. As soon as her bedroom light was off I gathered my things and climbed out of my window. Growing up in Tulsa, I wasn't a tree-climber, that night wasn't an exception.  
  
With a smudge of dirt on my cheek and a grass stain on my knee-length pure white skirt, I headed across the front pasture and into the deep woods of Hickory, North Carolina. The train station was 10 miles away by road, but I could get there in 3 miles if I followed the short-cut through the woods.  
  
I might've been smart to find a way to check the train schedule before leaving my Aunt's. I was forced to wait 3 hours for a train to Tulsa. Exhausted, I almost went to sleep right there in the station, but I kept singing up-beat songs in my head to stay awake.  
  
And there's no cure like travel  
  
To help you unravel  
  
The worries of living today.  
  
When the poor brain is cracking  
  
There's nothing like packing  
  
A suitcase and sailing away.  
  
Take a run 'round Vienna,  
  
Granada, Ravenna, Sienna  
  
And then a-'round Rome.  
  
Have as high time, a low time,  
  
And in no time  
  
You'll be singing "Home, Sweet Home".  
  
I bought my ticket, almost wiping out my entire life's savings and boarded the train. I felt like I was on naked on stage in front of thousands of people, I couldn't get the butterflies out of my stomach. What if my ears really weren't playing tricks on me, Johnny and Dallas couldn't be gone. Soda was lying. I believed what I wanted, which didn't help me emotionally when I found out the truth.  
  
I lost all track of time. I wouldn't have been surprised if someone told me that I'd been on the train for days. It was dark when we reached the station and my back was aching. Maybe I should have taken a cab, but I figured since I had already walked so far that day I could handle a couple more miles. I pulled my green blouse tighter around me and tried to ignore my brain pounding on the inside of my skull.  
  
I stood in front of the metal gate of the Curtis house for a while, I wanted so badly to go in and see my friend I'd missed so much. I don't know what kept me outside. I peered in the window.  
  
Soda and Darry were eating dinner; food looked so good to my empty stomach. It was weird, where was everyone else? They ate in silence.  
  
As I twisted the door handle, Darry and Soda looked up from their meal...  
  
This was kind of a jumpy chapter, sorry. Oh, I almost forgot, the song is "There's No Cure like Travel" from Anything Goes, I wish I owned it, but I don't. Um...review please! Thanks.  
  
Red 


	12. What Are You Wearing?

I don't think any of us knew exactly what to say. Inside, I tried to grasp where I was, standing in the Curtis's living room. Home, at last, but why was I not entirely happy? My mind was so fuzzy, I could see Darry's lips moving, but it took along time for those words to register in my mind.  
  
"Mattie..." He was lost for words," How...where...why...how did you get here?"  
  
I could only muster up the energy to let out one word, "Train."  
  
His face was screwed up in a way I'd never seen it, like he couldn't make up his mind whether to smile and welcome me or to shove me on the next train destined for North Carolina. Soda filled in the awkward silence.  
  
"It's great to have you back, Mattie. You look beat, are you hungry?" He smiled, sending a short-lived relief through my body.  
  
"Where's Pony?" I asked, dropping my suitcase like a ton of bricks. Soda's grin was wiped off of his face.  
  
"He's sleeping," Darry gestured behind him to Pony and Soda's room, "He's been knocked out since Saturday."  
  
I made to move around him, but he moved in front of me. "You can see him in the morning, Mattie. He's asleep now, there's no point in..." but I didn't listen. I hastily brushed past him and down the hall. As soon as I had stepped in the doorway I knew there had to be some mistake. That person, lying so still, barely breathing, that person couldn't be Ponyboy Curtis. He was...was...Well, he was blonde.  
  
"You got yourself into a real mess this time, Curtis." He shifted but didn't wake.  
  
That night I had a dream that I was sitting back on the train. There was a strange feeling inside me. Was it fear? Or maybe excitement? All I knew was that wherever I was headed was the place I most wanted to get to, or at least I thought that's where I wanted to get to. But when I got off, everything was different then what I'd thought. It wasn't as brilliant as I had hoped it to be.  
  
When I woke up it was still dark outside except for the ominous glow of the streetlamp flowing through the blinds and leaving a striped pattern on my pillow. I rolled onto my side, almost causing me to fall off the couch, and tried to catch a few more hours sleep before the sun rose. I couldn't sleep. Partially, because I was trying to remember the dream I'd been having, but most of the time I wouldn't remember my dreams until late afternoon, which is kind of strange, I guess. The other reason why I couldn't fall to sleep again was because I'd been so spoiled with my nice, soft, cushiony bed back in North Carolina, that I might as well have been sleeping on rocks that night.  
  
I lay awake until I could see the pink haze of dawn rise up above the houses, thinking hard about nothing in particular. I waited an hour expecting Darry to get up and go to work, but he didn't. Hunger forced me to get up and begin making breakfast. It was, too, quiet. The silence filled my ears. For a minute I wondered why no one was bursting through the door to blast cartoons on the TV. I couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of my thoughts, my brain was so fried.  
  
I ate my breakfast, getting frustrated that I was the only one up. Cleaning my dishes I "accidentally" dropped my fork on the ground a few times, but no luck, no one would wake. I took a shower and dressed (a green skirt that settled just below my knees, if you must know.) I sat impatiently on the couch, unwillingly forced to face reality. Johnny and Dallas would never walk through that door, again. I didn't have to even try to stop the tears from coming. As a matter of fact I spent a quarter of an hour trying to make tears fill my eyes. I felt wicked, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't cry. Honestly, I'd never expected Johnny and Dally to live that long, anyway. I sighed, resting my head in my hands. I guess that's when I saw the record player sitting in the corner. How come I'd never noticed it there before?  
  
I smiled to myself. Jumped off the couch and ran into Pony and Soda's bedroom, yanked my suitcase out from under the bed, and reached down to the bottom, impatiently throwing my clothes aside. I found my records and hugged them to my chest, breathing a sigh of relief.  
  
"Mattie?" Pony whispered his eyes only half-way open.  
  
"Pony?" But Pony had already fallen back to sleep. I laughed silently and took one of his stray, blonde hairs between my fingers. "Blonde." I smiled, biting my lip to suppress my laughter.  
  
I cleaned off the layers of dust that rested on the record player. My Fair Lady, rested on the top of the pile, I put it on, no longer concerned about the sleeping members of the household.  
  
"Bed! I couldn't go to bed!  
  
My head's too light to try to set it down! Sleep! Sleep!  
  
I couldn't sleep tonight.  
  
Not for all the jewels in the crown!  
  
I could have danced all night!  
  
I could have danced all night!  
  
And still have begged for more.  
  
I could have spread my wings  
  
And done a thousand things I've never done before.  
  
I'll never know what made it so exciting;  
  
Why all at once My heart took flight. I only know when he  
  
Began to dance with me I could have danced,  
  
danced, danced all night!"  
  
I was in heaven. I danced around the room as gracefully as I could manage; transformed for a little while into someone that wasn't me. It was so wonderful, so exhilarating. Okay, you'd most likely think I was nuts, but I was fine with that. Darry, Two-bit, and Soda thought that I had gone mental as they watched me sing. I was surprised that I wasn't embarrassed when the song stopped and they stared at me with half amused, half terrified looks on their faces. I bowed, well, what I was supposed to do, just stand there like and idiot? When I had finished my show, Two-bit was only curious about one thing.  
  
"What are you wearing?"  
  
Hey ya'll! I'm done for now. Sorry, it took a long time for me to update. The song is from My Fair Lady, and no I don't own it. Please review!  
  
Meggie- I got Hairspray, I already made a copy for you and I'll give it to you next Sunday! 


	13. It's Just a Skirt

Chapter 13  
  
"Hey Mattie, Pony's up!" Two-bit yelled from the kitchen, helping himself to the last beer in the refrigerator.  
  
"No, he's not," Darry came out of Pony's bedroom carrying a bowl of uneaten soup, "He was up for a few minutes, though." My heart sunk.  
  
"Two-bit, come help me with these groceries, would you?" I had just come back from shopping. That morning, there wasn't even enough sugar in the house to make a half of a chocolate cake. Two-bit came and took one of the bags into the kitchen.  
  
"Did ya' get any beer?" Two-bit peeked into both of the bags.  
  
"Yes, Two-bit, with one of those fake I.D's I carry in my pocket." I said, sarcastically.  
  
"Geez, no need to get all hasty, Mattie." Two-bit laughed.  
  
"Have you called your Aunt, Mattie?" Darry asked me a while later. I shook my head, I was dreading calling her and having to explain everything. "You should, she's probably worried about you." He said, but thankfully he dropped the subject.  
  
Steve came in looking for Soda that night. He looked at me like he'd never seen me before, but then continued on into the other room to wake Soda.  
  
"Is he getting up?" Darry asked from the couch, not bothering to look up from the newspaper.  
  
"Yeah," Steve said, carefully fixing his hair in the hallway mirror, "I think the kids up, too."  
  
Soda and Steve left to go who-knows-where. Darry said that it was good for Soda to get out of the house for the night, I agreed not really listening. I waited until Darry had gone back to his paper before making my way down the hall and into Pony's room. If he had been up, he seemed to already gone back to sleep. Making the decision not to wake him up, I began to tip-toe out of the room.  
  
"Mattie, is that you?" A familiar voice reached my ears and made a large grin cross my face just before I reached the doorway.  
  
"Yeah, it's me." I turned around and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Wow you look...different." He eyed my skirt, reproachfully.  
  
"Different?" It wasn't the word I had hoped for.  
  
"Since when do you wear skirts?"  
"Since my Aunt bought me skirts," I answered plainly. "What is so interesting about a skirt?!" I asked, getting a little self-conscious by his continuous staring.  
  
"It's just, well; I've never seen those before." He glanced at my lightly-freckled calves and his cheeks turned slightly crimson.  
  
"They're called legs, Pony." He still wouldn't stop staring. "Okay, if you're all that bothered, I'll go put on my jeans." I stood to leave.  
  
"No, don't, just stay." He called me back.  
  
"No more staring?" I held out my pinky for him to promise.  
  
"No more staring." Our fingers linked.  
  
As soon as we let go Pony dropped the subject, "Why are you here?"  
  
I started to answer, but I remembered what Darry had told me about Pony's denial of Johnny's death, "I missed Tulsa," Which wasn't a lie.  
  
"Ya' know I had a dream that you were here." Pony told me later that night. Pony had been dying to get out of bed, but under strict orders from the doctor, he was forced to stay lying down for another week, "Except, you were singing to My Fair Lady." I sat up and looked over at him; he looked right back at me, his eyebrows raised and laughter hidden in his eyes.  
  
I glanced away from him, knowing I'd crack up laughing if I met his eyes again. "You weren't dreaming." I mumbled, half embarrassed.  
  
"What?" He turned his right ear toward me, "I didn't catch that, Mattie."  
  
I leaned over, grabbing his shoulder and pulling his ear down to my lips, "You weren't dreaming!" I yelled, he met my eyes and smiled. "Don't you smirk at me!" I pushed him back down on to the bed, but he wouldn't stop laughing.  
  
"Pony, it's not that funny." I picked a pillow and whacked him on the side of the head. When that didn't stop him, I began a full-fledged attack. He stopped laughing.  
  
"Don't you dare, Curtis!" He picked up a pillow and began the battle. It only ended when Darry came in and told us to take it easy.  
  
"What are you two doing in here, anyway?" Darry asked.  
  
I didn't even think about my answer, the words just rolled off my tongue. "We're making passionate love right here on the bed." I said in a serious voice, "Do you want to hear about it?  
  
"Um...No, I think I'll pass." He turned to leave the room.  
  
"Make sure you close the door on your way out!" I yelled after him. I turned around to find Pony caught between hysterics and total embarrassment.  
  
"Are you alright, Pony, you look a little hot?"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
A week later I called my Aunt after being forced my Darry. She sounded relieved, but not surprised to hear that I had been in Tulsa. The Social Services people had been searching for me and were planning on sticking me in a home near Tulsa. I wondered why I couldn't go back to North Carolina.  
  
"What did she have to say?" Pony asked after I'd hung up the phone.  
  
"I'm not going back to North Carolina." I said with no emotion.  
  
"Where are you going now?" Pony questioned, concerned, grabbing my arm and forcing me to look at him.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," I forced a smile, not knowing if I was truly happy or not.  
  
"Good"  
  
"Are you coming with me?" I asked and he looked at me, confused, "On a walk," I clarified, "Are you going with me on a walk."  
  
"Where are going?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yeah, I'm coming."  
  
We walked for a while. It was no surprise when we ended up in the park sitting on the grass and watching the kids cross the monkey bars.  
  
"Let's go swing." I pointed at the now-empty swing set.  
  
He looked at me like I was falling off my rocker.  
  
"Come on!" I grabbed his hand and pulled him up.  
  
I rocked gently on the swings for a couple of minutes, afraid that if I really swung I would get nauseous. I don't do so well on swings.  
  
"Who will buy  
  
This wonderful morning?  
  
Such a sky  
  
You never did see!  
  
Who will tie  
  
It up with a ribbon  
  
And put it in a box for me?  
  
There'll never be a day so sunny,  
  
It could not happen twice.  
  
Where is the man with all the money?  
  
It's cheap at half the price!"  
  
"What are you singing now?" Pony rolled his eyes.  
  
"It's from Oliver, if you must know." I said, "But I'm done now, I'll shut up." I had been singing continuously that week.  
  
"Don't." Pony said, softly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't stop singing," he said, uncertainly, "It's...It's...I like it when you sing."  
  
It took me a minute to figure out what to say, "Thanks."  
  
As I lay in bed that night, I couldn't help thinking about what Pony had said and what could have provoked him to say it. I sighed a little more loudly than I intended to, which must have been the cue for the entrance of Ponyboy Curtis into the living room.  
  
"Are you alright, Mattie?" To my surprise, he sounded completely awake.  
  
"I'm fine, but have you slept at all?"  
  
"No, I can't sleep, I've tried everything."  
  
"Did you try counting tap-dancing penguins?"  
  
"Yeah," He rubbed his bare arms and yawned, "Glory its cold."  
  
"Winter's coming...Come here." I sat up and offered half of my blanket to him. He obeyed and we both huddled under the blanket to keep our limbs from the cold.  
  
"Go to sleep, Pony." I whispered.  
  
Still sitting up, his breathing gradually steadied as he fell asleep, his arm around my waste and my head rested on his shoulder. It was a little disturbing to me how content I was lying there, but soon that feeling was covered up by the sleep itching at my eyes.  
  
"Goodnight, Mattie" Pony whispered, half asleep.  
  
"Goodnight, Ponyboy Curtis."  
  
Thanks for reading. Please Please Please review!!! Thanks Katie for the inspiration! The song is from "Oliver" and I do not own it! 


	14. I wish I Could've Been There

Chapter 14  
  
Pony had to go back to school the next week to my displeasure. I couldn't go back until December first because home-schooling with my Aunt Kate had left me far ahead of public school.  
  
"Come on, Pony! You're going to be late!" I pounded on the bedroom door.  
  
"I'm coming."  
  
"I'm going to work, Mattie," Darry put his hand on my shoulder, interrupting my yelling, "Don't go wandering around by yourself, it's not safe."  
  
"I just want to walk Pony to school."  
  
He sighed and gave in, "Okay, walk him to school and come straight home."  
  
"Fine." Who was he to tell me what to do?  
  
"Bye Mattie," Sodapop adjusted his hat on his head, smiling, and walked out of the door.  
  
"Bye, Pony!" Darry hollered as he stepped out of the door after him.  
  
I gave up trying to get Pony to get ready a little faster and went and sat in the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, Mattie." He finally was dressed.  
  
"Your breakfast is on the counter."  
  
"Not even a 'Hello'?"  
  
"Good morning," I said, "Now, eat your breakfast."  
  
"Yes, Mother."  
  
"You have five minutes."  
  
"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Aren't you missing something?" I said a few minutes later when Pony was about to leave.  
  
Pony looked at me curiously.  
  
"Your books, you might need those." I smiled.  
  
"Oh." He smiled inwardly.  
  
"Let's go." I handed him his books.  
  
The walk to the school was uneventful, I was thankful.  
  
"Listen Pon, I'll meet you for lunch, okay? I think Two-bit's skipping again today."  
  
"Alright, don't worry, Mattie, I'll be fine."  
  
"I'm not worried."  
  
"Yes, you are." He smiled and it melted my heart.  
  
"Meet me in front of the school at lunch."  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
And I'm sure Pony was there waiting that afternoon, but I wouldn't show up. I couldn't be there, but I wish I could've been.  
  
"There's a fine, fine line between together and apart.  
  
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.  
  
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...  
  
There's a fine, fine line between love  
  
And a waste of time."  
  
Really, Really short today. Sorry. Please review! The song is from "Avenue Q" 


	15. Unsatified

Chapter 15 (Bear with me, it's almost done. Any Advice?)  
  
It's been 6 months since I last saw my best friend. I vaguely remember that day: social services came, my Aunt lied to me, I wouldn't be staying in Tulsa. California? I didn't want to go to California. They told me that they would come back in an hour when my things were packed, but I wouldn't go with them. I didn't want to leave, but I was so tired of other people running my life, telling me where to go and who to be. In one hour I'd be on a bus bound for Manhattan, my big blue suitcase at my side, filled with clothes, records, my entire life's savings, and a lone picture of Pony and me eating cotton candy at the Oklahoma State Fair.  
  
I stepped of the bus on 51st street, I'd been traveling for over a day, it was mid-afternoon. I can't remember how I survived the first week; I managed to stay off the streets at night and eventually I found a girl looking for a roommate.  
  
That girl's name is Grace. She's 19 and currently attending NYU. On her off days, she gives singing lessons to young girls.  
  
I work at a small coffee shop just outside Times Square everyday after school and on Saturdays. Yes, I still do go to school, but Grace thinks I'm 18. Sunday is my day off, I can always stay busy. New York City amazes me, I enjoy every minute of it. Freedom is awesome; I can do anything I want, anytime I want to. Sometimes I sit outside Broadway theatres and picture myself walking out of the stage door to meet a huge crowd of fans asking me for my autograph.  
  
#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%  
  
"What is it about you  
  
You're big  
  
You're loud  
  
You're tough NYC  
  
I go years without you  
  
Then I  
  
Can't get  
  
Enough  
  
Enough of the cab drivers answering back  
  
In the language far from pure  
  
Enough of frankfurters answering back  
  
Brother, you know you're in NYC  
  
Too busy  
  
Too crazy  
  
Too hot  
  
Too cold  
  
Too late  
  
I'm sold  
  
Again  
  
On NYC"  
  
#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%  
  
"Hello, Delia." Mr. Matsu greeted me from behind the counter of the food market.  
  
"Good Afternoon, Mr. Matsu." I replied, picking up a grocery basket. I was the normal grocery shopper; Grace was too busy with school to shop. I paid for the food and walked four blocks to our apartment. Those stairs to the third floor were a killer, especially with two full bags of groceries.  
  
"Grace?" I called as I set the bags on the counter. There was a note on the counter:  
  
Delia,  
  
Out, should be back around 10:30.  
  
-Grace  
  
I hung out on the couch the rest of the day, staring at the phone. Call? I'd tried to call him a few times before. I dialed the first six numbers, but I hung up. I couldn't bear to hear his voice, but I wanted to so badly. I wondered if he hated me, I would hate me if I were him. I missed him.  
  
I picked up the phone, determined. I dialed the number, my hands shaking wildly. It was ringing...Someone picked up.  
  
"Hello?" It took me a minute to figure out who it was because his voice had changed from when I'd last seen him. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. My throat had tightened up.  
  
"Hello?" He said again. "Hello?"  
  
"Pony?" That was all I could manage, my voice was shaking and had a pinched sound to it from having to contain the sobs of relief in my throat.  
  
"Who is this?" He spoke a little softer than before.  
  
"It's Delia...no...it's Mattie." Wow, I was not used to that name. I breathed deeply and bit my lip to stop my eyes from tearing, but it didn't help. He remained silent. "I called to...to...I don't know why. I'm sorry I called...I'm gonna go." I wished he would say something.  
  
"Where are you?" He whispered.  
  
"I'm safe, that's all you have to know."  
  
"No, that's not all I have to know! You left without even a "Goodbye". You didn't tell anyone where you were going. I spent months looking for you, anything could of happened. You could have been..." He stopped short.  
  
"Dead?" When he didn't answer, I continued, "I tried to call, Pony, I really did, but I couldn't. You'd have wanted me to come back, but I couldn't...I can't come back."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"They'll never leave me alone, Pony, the social services. I'd bet on my life that they're just sitting there, waiting for me to come back."  
  
"I want you to come back."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"Stop asking that."  
  
"Please tell me. You're not in Oklahoma anymore, are you? Did you go back to North Carolina?"  
  
"I'm not going to tell you..."  
  
"Or maybe you went somewhere out west..."  
  
"I'm not telling..."  
  
"Or maybe you went to Texas, that seems to be a popular place to run away to..."  
  
"I'm in New York! Okay, I told you, are you happy?"  
  
"I knew you would tell. You were never as stubborn as you thought you were."  
  
"Promise me you won't do anything crazy." I begged.  
  
"You mean, like you did?"  
  
"Promise me, Curtis!"  
  
"Okay, nothing crazy."  
  
"Listen Pony, I've got to go..."  
  
"Why? Don't hang up. Please."  
  
"Pony, this phone bill is going to kill me."  
  
"Can I at least have your number?"  
  
"No, I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
"Promise me, Mattie."  
  
"I promise."  
  
"Don't forget."  
  
"I won't."  
  
"I miss you."  
  
"I miss you, too, Pony."  
  
"Bye, then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
When the phone clicked off, emptiness formed in the pit of my stomach. If I had my way, I would've gone back to Tulsa and spent the rest of my days with Ponyboy Curtis. Maybe some things aren't meant to be. I wanted too many things, would I ever be satisfied?  
  
"Goodnight, Pony."  
  
%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%%#%#  
  
Please Review! 


	16. The City

**Chapter 16  
**  
"Yes! School's out!" I shouted into the phone while jumping on the couch.  
  
"You have complete freedom and yet you still choose to go to school?"  
  
"Yeah, why not?"  
  
"You sound like Two-bit."  
  
"How is good-old Two-bit anyway?"  
  
"He's right here, ask him yourself. I gotta go clean the dishes anyway." I didn't have time to answer.  
  
"Hey, Mattie, where've ya' been?"  
  
"On an extended vacation." I said plainly.  
  
"On vacation where?" He asked.  
  
"Pony didn't tell you?"  
  
"Nope, I've never seen that boy so stubborn. We all have been buggin' him, but he won't tell." I was thankful.  
  
"How is Pony, anyway?"  
  
"Can't you ask him that yourself?" Two-bit chuckled.  
  
"Well, he says he's fine but...I don't know..." My voice drifted off.  
  
After a moment of silence Two-bit answered, "For a while after you left, we didn't think he'd be alright." The seriousness in his voice startled me. "He didn't sleep at night, his grades slipped. He'd stroll around the neighborhood for hours at a time, hoping to find you. Darry had to force him eat every night because Pony wouldn't; I've never seen that boy so thin before..."  
  
"Two-bit, aren't you done talking yet?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm done," He told Pony, "Bye, Mattie." I didn't say anything back, guilt had overcome me and I found myself struggling to breathe.  
  
Pony and I didn't talk for long after that.

#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#  
  
Over the next week my work hours were extended and every penny of my extra money was dumped into a glass jar hidden under my bed. I couldn't help but hope that someday I would have enough to see a real Broadway show. That thought kept me going throughout my long work hours and lonely nights.  
  
"Delia?" Grace called me from the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Will you help me put the groceries away?"  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be working today?"  
  
"Yeah, but my 6:30 appointment didn't show."  
  
"Oh," We continued to put away the food.  
  
"Do you want to go hang out or something?" Grace asked later.  
  
"There's nothin' much to do around here." I told her. I'd been eager to walk around the city for weeks, but that was the first day that I had a few hours off of work.  
  
"Let's go!" Grace grabbed me by the hand and pulled me off the couch.  
  
We walked around the city for hours, going into stores and trying on clothes that were way out of our price range. Something about the rush of the city was invigorating; there was always something to do. I never wanted to leave. Ever. I could never tired of the freedom I had to do whatever I wanted to and to be whoever I wanted to be. That was the best part. I wasn't Mattie anymore; I was someone different; talented, unafraid, sweet, beautiful, graceful. I was me. Only the power of the city could do something like that.

#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%  
  
_They said I would soon be good and lonely  
  
They said I would sing the homesick blues  
  
So I always have this ticket in my pocket  
  
A ticket home in my pocket  
  
To do with as I choose  
  
Burn the bridge, bet the store  
  
Baby's coming home no more  
  
Not for the life of me  
  
Break the lock, post my bail  
  
Done my time, I'm out of jail  
  
Not for the life of me  
  
A life that's gotta be more than a one-light town  
  
Where the light is always red  
  
Gotta be more than an old ghost town  
  
Where the ghost ain't even dead_

_#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%  
  
_Grace was the best company I'd had since I left Tulsa and I was grateful that I wasn't alone.  
  
"Let's go in here." I said, stepping into the record store. Grace followed me in and began making her way to the section labeled "Rock". Instead, I made a left and began searching through the soundtracks.  
  
"_Carousel_," Grace read from over my shoulder, startling me, "Are you gonna get it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, come on. I know you want it."  
  
"I don't _need _it."  
  
"All you ever do is work and you never buy anything."  
  
"I'm a saver, what can I say?" I put the record back on the shelf. Grace dropped the subject.  
  
The sun set slowly, and we found ourselves in Central Park, sitting on the grass, with 2 hotdogs and a large Pepsi.  
  
"Mmmm...Soda sounds dreamy." Grace's chocolate eyes twinkled at me.  
  
"Trust me, he is."  
  
"And what about Ponyboy, who is he?"  
  
"How do you know about Pony?"  
  
"Well, you were talking so loud and..."  
  
"You were listening?" I smiled, shaking my head.  
  
"I overheard." She corrected me and I rolled my eyes.  
  
"You are so nosey!" I slapped her arm, but I had no effect, Grace began giggling like a school-girl.  
  
"So, do you like him?" She asked, a broad grin plastered on her face.  
  
"He's my best friend."  
  
"That doesn't answer the question."  
  
I was silent for a moment, "I don't know, really. I wish I could tell you, but I don't even know. I've been trying to find the answer to that question for a long time."  
  
We sat in silence, finishing our meal.  
  
"Let's go home." Grace pushed herself up, and I followed. On the way back we stopped and rented a couple of movies that we watched in our pajamas with a bowl of popcorn between us until early morning.

#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%  
  
I know that's kind of an odd place to stop, but I'm tired. The song is from " Thoroughly Modern Millie" and I don't own it. I'll try to update again on Tuesday. Please Review!!!


	17. I'm Glad You're Here

**Chapter 17**  
  
It was the end of rush hour on Friday and 2 minutes until the end of my shift. I could hear the bell on the door ringing, signaling the entrance of another customer. I didn't look up, the long day had worn me out and I wondered vaguely if I even had the energy to pour one last cup of coffee.  
  
"How can I help you?" My voice was soft and distant.  
  
"One small coffee." The voice was familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. I continued to pour a cup of the bitter liquid and placed it on the counter.  
  
"That would be 98 cents, please." I said, automatically.  
  
"Mattie?"  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, my name is..." I was suddenly pulled from my haze to glance up at a pair of green-gray eyes. A rush of emotion overtook me, and my heart stopped. Ponyboy Curtis was looking at me, unsure.  
  
"No, sir, you must be mistaken, I'm not Mattie." I hastily collected his money and exited through the back door. I could hear his voice calling me back.  
  
I leaned against the back door, letting the rain hit my face, mixing in with tears. He was here, with me. I felt guilty for shrugging him off, but I couldn't see him again. I'd lose my mind if I saw his face again. He would force me to go back to Tulsa. He was my weakness.  
  
Then, a new batch of feelings erupted in me. Why was he there? I told him not to come! He promised!  
  
"Mattie!" I heard him call from the alleyway. Hastily, I pulled my rain slicker over my head and put my hood up.  
  
"Mattie!" He followed me as I walked onto the main street. I was hoping to disappear into the crowd.  
  
"Go home!" I hissed, under my breath, "Leave me in peace!" But all that was heard by him was, "I'm quite certain I don't know who you're talking about." I continued walking, trying not to glance over at him.  
  
In my mind, the past few minutes were playing over again. His wonderful eyes...  
  
"Mattie, Please!" He grabbed my arm and turned me around; I could see the tears that glazed his eyes.  
  
I didn't know what to do, the joy of seeing his face was flooding through me like a wave. I could see the goose bumps on his arm rise up from the chill in the air.  
  
"Why are you here?" My voice cracked as I asked him, but I didn't give him time to answer because, soon my arms were around his neck in a tight hug.  
  
"Pony, I'm so sorry," I sobbed into his shoulder, "Oh, I've missed you. I've missed you so much."  
  
"Shhhh, calm down. It's okay. Relax." He rubbed my back in soothing circles. I was wrapped up in his warmth and the wonderful feeling of his arms wrapped around my waist.  
  
I don't know how long we stood there like that, but when I finally calmed down the rain was hitting us a little harder than before.  
  
"We better go, it's gonna pour." I grabbed his hand and led the way to my apartment, only 3 blocks away.  
  
When we got there the door was locked, I got my key out of my pocket and opened it. I didn't let go of his hand.  
  
"Grace?" I pulled Pony in the door with me. "That's funny. I didn't think that she had lessons on Saturdays."  
  
"Come on," I said finally letting go of his hand, "Do you want a drink or something?"  
  
"No, I got a coffee, thanks." He said smiling.  
  
"I know you hate coffee."  
  
"Okay, I do. Do you have any Pepsi?  
  
"Of course!" I handed him a bottle and got one for myself.  
  
We sat and talked on the couch for over an hour. At first it was small talk. 'How's the weather?' type of talk, but we didn't stay on those conversations long.  
  
"Do you really like it here, Mattie? Is it everything you wanted it to be?"  
  
"Yes," I answered. I loved it there. There were buildings that touched the clouds, millions of interesting people and places to see, the smell of hotdogs on a street corner, Broadway.

* * *

_That's why I couldn't be happier  
  
No, I couldn't be happier  
  
Though it is, I admit  
  
The tiniest bit  
  
Unlike I anticipated  
  
But I couldn't be happier  
  
Simply couldn't be happier  
  
Well - not "simply":  
  
'Cause getting your dreams  
  
It's strange, but it seems  
  
A little - well - complicated  
  
There's a kind of a sort of : cost  
  
There's a couple of things get: lost  
  
There are bridges you cross  
  
You didn't know you crossed  
  
Until you've crossed  
  
And if that joy, that thrill  
  
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will  
  
Still -  
  
With this perfect finale  
  
The cheers and ballyhoo  
  
Who  
  
Wouldn't be happier?  
  
So I couldn't be happier  
  
Because happy is what happens  
  
When all your dreams come true  
  
Well, isn't it?  
  
Happy is what happens  
  
When your dreams come true!_

_

* * *

_  
But there was no Ponyboy. "I don't know." That last thought had made me think again.  
  
The phone rang, interrupting my thoughts.  
  
"I'll be back in a minute." I told Pony and went to pick up the phone.  
  
"Hello...Grace?" I asked she sounded like she was crying. "Are you alright?"  
  
"No, listen, my Dad had a heart attack." My heart sunk. I had met her parents once when they had Easter dinner with us.  
  
"Is he alright?" I asked and thought again, "Where are you?"  
  
"I'm at a payphone. I've got to go catch a bus up to the hospital. I just wanted to tell you."  
  
"Okay, Grace. I hope everything's alright."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
"Be safe and I'll talk to you later. Call me."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Goodbye." 

"That was my roommate, Grace. Her Dad had a heart attack."  
  
"Oh," Pony's forehead wrinkled, "Will he be okay?"  
  
"She didn't know." There was an odd sense of foreboding buried deep in my chest that I wished would leave. "She's headed to a hospital upstate where her parents live right now."  
  
After a moment of silence, Ponyboy spoke up. "It stopped raining." 

* * *

That night I took Pony around the city to see Times Square. The lights amazed him as they amazed me.  
  
"You should see the Christmas tree here in the winter. It's huge!" I told him, laughing and pulling him along as we ran through the crowd.  
  
We walked block after block, our eyes gleaming like 2 kids in a candy store.  
  
"That's the biggest department store in the world." I pointed to Macy's.  
  
"I've got an idea." I grabbed his hand and we took a risky run across the street.  
  
"What are we doing?" Pony asked as I led him into the doors of the Empire State Building. I didn't answer him.  
  
"2 tickets to go to the top, please." The man waiting there took my money and handed me the tickets.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Pony wouldn't stop fidgeting the whole elevator ride up there.  
  
"Have you ever been up here before?" He looked over at me nervously.  
  
"Yeah, once with Grace." I reassured him by taking his hand in mine.  
  
We stood at the top of the Empire State building for over an hour. It's amazing how you can lose track of time when you're on top of the world with your best friend.  
  
"Everything is so much calmer from up here." He whispered.  
  
I nodded, admiring the way the bright lights of the city stood out against the night sky. I shivered as the cool breeze wrapped around my body.  
  
"Cold?" He asked.  
  
I nodded again. He slipped his arm around my waist and I tensed slightly, and then relaxed again.  
  
"Pony?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm glad you're here." I look up at him, his eyes sparkling like I'd never seen them before.  
  
He didn't answer; he just stared into my eyes. His lips were inching ever- so-slowly toward mine. I closed the gap, easily, letting my lips dance over his. I let my arms drape around his neck, pulling him closer to me. 

* * *

Okay, I'm done for today. Hopefully, I can post another chapter tomorrow! Please Review! The song is from _Wicked_ (My favorite musical!!!) and I don't own it. 


	18. How Do I Live Without You?

**Chapter 18  
**  
"Does Darry know where you are?" I asked Pony later. We were on the couch, eating out of a carton of ice-cream.  
  
Pony just looked up at me, a guilty smile forming on his face.  
  
"He doesn't know!" I said, my eyes widening, "Oh, no! You're gonna get it from him, Ponyboy Curtis!"  
  
"I know, I know, I'll call him later..."  
  
"Call him now!" I interrupted, knowing that I was going to be the one blamed.  
  
Pony just sighed and walked toward the phone, hesitantly dialing the number.  
  
"Sodapop?" Pony spoke cautiously. "Yeah...In New York...I found her...I don't know...I'm not leaving...Tell Darry...Tell him that I'm not leaving!"  
  
Pony hung up the phone and rested his forehead in his hand. Carefully, I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You can't stay here forever you know."  
  
"I can't go back," His voice cracked, "They're gonna put me in a boy's home. The courts decided last week."  
  
For a second I thought my heart had stopped. "No, they couldn't...they wouldn't." My hand traced down the side of his arm and clasped onto his wrist. When Pony didn't speak, I continued. "What about Soda?"  
  
"Naw," he said, "Soda's too old to be put in a boy's home. He'll be 18 in 3 months."  
  
"Come on, Pony, a being in a home won't be that bad." I reassured him.  
  
"Then why'd you run away?" He didn't bother to hide the accusation in his voice.  
  
"Listen, even if you stay here, you'll be away from the gang."  
  
"At least you'd be here."  
  
"Well, I..." Then what he said hit me. "This is all my fault." I sat on the couch and rested my chin in my hands.  
  
"No, it's not." He got down on his knees and put his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him. "You didn't tell me to come here. I made my own choice, Mattie. I can't...I just can't..."  
  
"What?" I whispered.  
  
"I just can't live without you!" He stood up and paced around the room, I could tell he regretted telling me this. "Without you, I forget things: My shoes, my lunch, my homework. He looked at me, and spoke a little calmer. "I need you to remind me, ya' know. What would I do without you?"

* * *

That night I couldn't sleep. Pony was sleeping on the couch in the living room and I wondered what Grace would say when she discovered him here. I was tempted to call Grace and ask her how everything was going, but then I looked at the clock. 2:14 AM. I was never going to get to sleep.  
  
Then, my mind drifted to something else: Ponyboy and the mad rush of emotions I'd felt kissing him. We hadn't talked about it much afterward, but I couldn't help but think about how much I longed to kiss him again. I tried to push that feeling away from me and try to get some sleep, but it was no use.  
  
Tip-toeing out of my room, I made my way through the living room and into the kitchen.  
  
"Mattie?" A tired voice startled me.  
  
"Pony? Why aren't you asleep?"  
  
"I was afraid you'd leave."  
  
In the darkness I could only make out the outline of him, so I sat on the edge of the couch, near his feet, to try and read his expression.  
  
"Leave?" A silent laugh emerged off my lips.  
  
"Maybe I was being stupid." He seemed embarrassed, scratching the back of his head.  
  
"No, it wasn't stupid." I said. On the contrary, I found it quite sweet and overwhelming, and I didn't even have the energy to fight the urge to kiss him again. (What was I thinking?) When my lips met with his once more, my heart went crazy. Pony tensed a little, but then calmed down and pressed his lips to mine with more urgency then before. When the kiss got a little deeper, I got uncomfortable and pulled away.   
  
"You alright?" He asked, I could feel is hand shaking under mine.  
  
"Yeah." We were kind of in and odd position and if Grace walked in, she would have assumed the worst, but I tried not to think about that.  
  
"I couldn't leave you if I tried." I told him later, my head resting on his shoulder. I could hear his heart beating in his chest and the warmth of his breath against my forehead lulled me to sleep.  
  
That was the best night's sleep I've ever had.

* * *

_ Birds do it, bees do it  
  
Even educated fleas do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love  
  
In spain, the best upper sets do it  
  
Lithuanians and letts do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love  
  
The dutch in old amsterdam do it  
  
Not to mention the fins  
  
Folks in siam do it - think of siamese twins  
  
Some argentines, without means, do it  
  
People say in boston even beans do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love  
  
Romantic sponges, they say, do it  
  
Oysters down in oyster bay do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love  
  
Cold cape cod clams, 'gainst their wish, do it  
  
Even lazy jellyfish, do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love  
  
Electric eels i might add do it  
  
Though it shocks em i know  
  
Why ask if shad do it - waiter bring me  
  
shad roe  
  
In shallow shoals english soles do it  
  
Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it  
  
Let's do it, let's fall in love_

* * *

Short chapter, I know. It's a little to fluffy for me, but blame that on my cousin. Please Review. The song is by Cole Porter. 


	19. I'll Be Back

**

* * *

Chapter 19**

That morning my internal alarm clock woke me up early. As I stood up, Pony's eyes fluttered opened sleepily. I squeezed his hand lightly and told him to go back to sleep.  
  
I crept silently around the apartment, letting him sleep while I got ready to run the weekly errands. I couldn't take the day off, although I was tempted, no, not enough time. Remembering his concern from the night before, I left a note on the counter.  
  
The sun was exceptionally hot when I stepped outside, especially for so early. For a minute I stood on the sidewalk, watching the speeding cars rush by and the crowds of people that walked, pushing past each other. I joined in with the crowd, walking slightly faster than the pace of their Sunday stroll.

* * *

"Morning, Pony!" I yelled into the living room as I opened the door.  
  
"What did ya' get?" He appeared in the kitchen and began rummaging through the groceries.  
  
"Not even a 'Good morning.' What about a 'Hello.' And to think I made a pit-stop at the bakery for you." I placed my hand on my hips and shook my head.  
  
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." He grinned at me and there was a great jolt in my stomach, "So what did ya' get me?"  
  
"No way, Curtis, you blew it! Now this whole piece of rich double chocolate cake is my breakfast." I held up the white bakery bag over my head, but he was taller than me and easily grabbed the bag and gave me a mocking look. I held firmly onto the bag, though. We were close, close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek, sending chill down my spine.  
  
"Mattie?" He spoke in a whisper, "Mattie...I..." but he didn't finish his sentence, his lips were on mine and his hands were around the small of my back pulling me closer to him. The kiss deepened, but I didn't pull away, my heart wouldn't let me.  
  
That was the first time I realized that I was in love with Ponyboy Curtis.

* * *

I can't remember who came up with the idea, and I can't remember why we both chose to go through with it, but I can recall the feeling that lay burdened on my chest when I thought of being separated from Pony again. At the time, it just seemed right. It was the only way.

* * *

The ringing of my alarm clock shook me from my sleep, making me jump.  
  
"Are you okay?" Pony rubbed my back, almost lulling me back to sleep.  
  
I forced myself awake, "I have to get up." I yawned, sitting upright.  
  
"Can't you call in sick this one day?" He sat up next to me and kissed my temple.  
  
"No, I..." I began to protest but then I heard a faint knocking at the door. "Who could that be? Grace isn't supposed to be home until Thursday."  
  
"I don't know, but don't answer it." Pony wrapped his arms around my waist. My shirt had been pushed up past my belly button in sleep and his hand brushed lightly over the exposed skin. I closed my eyes and leaned back against his chest until I heard a louder more impatient knocking at the door.  
  
"Pony, I have to get the door." I said, slipping reluctantly from his embrace. Quickly, I pulled on my robe and left to answer the door.  
  
I wasn't surprised to see him standing in the doorway, but all of them, no, I wasn't expecting that. What was left of our Greaser gang, stood in the doorway.  
  
"Am I really that easy to track down?" I said, smiling and watching the relieved expression in Darry's eyes.  
  
"Hey, Mattie, what's up?" Two-bit shouted.  
  
"Nothing much," I shrugged as Two-bit brushed past me and helped himself to the leftover chocolate cake. I laughed as he made himself at home.  
  
"Morning, Mattie." Soda's eyes gleamed as he peered around the apartment, "Where's Pony?"  
  
"Sleeping," I told him, pointing to the closed door.  
  
Once Soda had left to wake Pony with Steve following, simply nodding his head in my direction, Darry spoke up again.  
  
"How are you holding up, Mattie?" Small talk.  
  
"Good. You guys must be hungry." I said and hurriedly made my way into the kitchen to make eggs, trying to get out of the awkward conversation. Darry followed me and Two-bit left to help Soda and Steve drag Pony out of bed.  
  
"You came to take him back, huh?" I smiled to myself.  
  
"Yeah, we lost the court case." Darry said without emotion.  
  
"I know." 

Silence.   
  
"I swear I'm gonna skin that boy. Running off with no note or anything. We were so worried. He just doesn't ever think." Somehow I knew that he wasn't really talking to me.

Darry looked old, I couldn't help but notice. That was the first time I realized that I wasn't the only one who couldn't live without Pony. I knew that if I wanted to be with him, my days in the city were over, for at least a little while. I'd be back, I had to be. I was gonna sing on Broadway and nothing was ever going to stop me. That thought didn't stop the tears that filled my eyes. Oh, how I would miss New York!  
  
"What did you two do, run off and get married or something?" I could hear Two-bit's sarcastic tone from the bedroom, bringing me back from my thoughts. I laughed slightly, admiring the bread-tie that was encircled around my left ring finger, I could feel Darry's eyes on me. 

Silence filled the apartment.

* * *

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you  
measure,  
  
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.  
In  
  
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you  
  
measure a year in the life?  
  
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of  
  
love.  
  
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you  
measure  
  
the life of a woman or man?  
  
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he  
burned, or  
  
the way that she died.  
  
It's time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate  
remember a year in the life of friends. Remember  
  
the love! Remember the love! Remember  
  
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

* * *

FINISHED!!! Review Review Review and I'll love you forever! I hope ya'll enjoyed, thanks for reading!


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